Tumblelog by Soup.io
Newer posts are loading.
You are at the newest post.
Click here to check if anything new just came in.

July 07 2017

ZatGuy
ZatGuy
2941 cf22 500
Reposted fromVideoGamesHumor VideoGamesHumor
ZatGuy
ZatGuy
6472 cb51 500
ZatGuy
5681 24f7
ZatGuy
Reposted fromFlau Flau viaVideoGamesHumor VideoGamesHumor
ZatGuy
Reposted fromFlau Flau viaohmylife ohmylife
9729 8bfe

idontevenhaveone:

etienne-bessette:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source

back the fuck up

There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.

So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.

The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.

Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.

did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out

This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok

so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.

The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.

On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap

When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”

and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes

wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.

and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.

Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat. 

and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.

Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy. 

Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.

Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.

Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:

imageimageimage

Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

@admiraloblivious we’re finding this movie and watching it asap

Ffffff-

Reposted fromhyratel hyratel viakuroinekochris kuroinekochris
ZatGuy
7956 8564 500
Reposted fromdaelmo daelmo viamushu mushu
ZatGuy
3105 821c
Reposted fromsosna sosna viaznuh znuh
ZatGuy
7999 a65c 500
Reposted fromdaelmo daelmo viaarez arez
0036 18d4

jakeshannon:

#capitalism

Reposted fromantiprodukt antiprodukt
ZatGuy
6262 0a90 500
Reposted fromfungi fungi viaarez arez
8510 3cc5 500

i-miss-you-after-midnight:

Horizon: Zero Dawn (2017)

Reposted fromgreggles greggles viakuroinekochris kuroinekochris

One Hundred Ways to Say ‘I Love You’

p0ck3tf0x:

  1. “Pull over.  Let me drive for awhile.”
  2. “It reminded me of you.”
  3. “No, no, it’s my treat.”
  4. “Come here.  Let me fix it.”
  5. “I’ll walk you home.”
  6. “Have a good day at work.”
  7. “I dreamt about you last night.”
  8. “Take my seat.”
  9. “I saved a piece for you.”
  10. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
  11. “You can have half.”
  12. “Take my jacket, it’s cold outside.”
  13. “Sorry I’m late.”
  14. “Can I have this dance?”
  15. “I made your favourite.”
  16. “It’s okay.  I couldn’t sleep anyway.”
  17. “Watch your step.”
  18. “Here, drink this.  You’ll feel better.”
  19. “Can I hold your hand?”
  20. “You can borrow mine.”
  21. “You might like this.”
  22. “It’s not heavy.  I’m stronger than I look.”
  23. “I’ll wait.”
  24. “Just because.”
  25. “Look both ways.”
  26. “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to.”
  27. “Try some.”
  28. “Drive safely.”
  29. “Well, what do you want to do?”
  30. “One more chapter.”
  31. “Don’t worry about me.”
  32. “It looks good on you.”
  33. “Close your eyes and hold out your hands.”
  34. “That’s okay, I bought two.”
  35. “After you.”
  36. “We’ll figure it out.”
  37. “Can I kiss you?”
  38. “I like your laugh.”
  39. “Don’t cry.”
  40. “I made this for you.”
  41. “Go back to sleep.”
  42. “Is this okay?”
  43. “I picked these for you.”
  44. “I’ll drive you to the hospital.”
  45. “What do you want to watch?”
  46. “You can go first.”
  47. “Did you get my letter?”
  48. “I’ll do it for you.”
  49. “Call me when you get home.”
  50. “I think you’re beautiful.”
  51. “Are you sure?”
  52. “Have fun.”
  53. “Sit down, I’ll get it.”
  54. “I made reservations.”
  55. “I don’t mind.”
  56. “It brings out your eyes.”
  57. “There is enough room for both of us.”
  58. “You don’t have to say anything.”
  59. “Wow.”
  60. “Happy birthday.”
  61. “I’ll pick it up after work.”
  62. “It can wait until tomorrow.”
  63. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”
  64. “It’s two sugars, right?”
  65. “I’ll help you study.”
  66. “Stay over.”
  67. “I did the dishes.”
  68. “You didn’t have to ask.”
  69. “I bought you a ticket.”
  70. “You’re warm.”
  71. “No reason.”
  72. “I’ll meet you halfway.”
  73. “Take mine.”
  74. “We can share.”
  75. “I was just thinking about you.”
  76. “I want you to have this.”
  77. “Call me if you need anything.”
  78. “Do you want to come too?”
  79. “I’ll still be here when you’re ready.”
  80. “Is your seatbelt on?”
  81. “Sweet dreams.”
  82. “I was in the neighbourhood.”
  83. “Stay there.  I’m coming to get you.”
  84. “The key is under the mat.”
  85. “It doesn’t bother me.”
  86. “You’re important too.”
  87. “I saved you a seat.”
  88. “I’ll see you later.”
  89. “I noticed.”
  90. “You can tell me anything.”
  91. “I hope you like it.”
  92. “I want you to be happy.”
  93. “I believe in you.”
  94. “You can do it.”
  95. “Good luck.”
  96. “I brought you an umbrella.”
  97. “I’ll pick you up at the airport.”
  98. “Take a deep breath.”
  99. “Be careful.”

And…

  1. “I love you.”
Reposted fromblaxkseoul blaxkseoul viaohmylife ohmylife
ZatGuy
ZatGuy
3652 e25c 500
Kojima had it all figured out from the beginning.
"Yes... yes, mr president"
Reposted fromhardkorwey hardkorwey viaohmylife ohmylife
ZatGuy
2792 241b
Reposted fromzciach zciach viafilo86 filo86
ZatGuy
4474 c40a 500
Reposted fromfilo86 filo86
Older posts are this way If this message doesn't go away, click anywhere on the page to continue loading posts.
Could not load more posts
Maybe Soup is currently being updated? I'll try again automatically in a few seconds...
Just a second, loading more posts...
You've reached the end.

Don't be the product, buy the product!

Schweinderl